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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,459

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Just landed via TikTok:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Seen just now on Discord:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Spotted on Twitch:

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Just shared via Reddit:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Trending via Discord:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Going viral on Discord:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

75 Funny wake up quotes

More funny wake up quotes 👇

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

2 weeks ago

caffeine, coffee, coffee humor, daily, daily struggle, hope, humor, i, morning, morning routine, motivation, rise, routine, shine, struggle, wake, wake up
I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

2 weeks ago

alarm, confusion, deep, humor, i, late, morning, panic, relief, sleep, thinking, wake, wake up, woke, work
Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

2 weeks ago

back, going, humor, intention, laziness, morning, procrastination, sleep, wake, wake up
I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

2 weeks ago

chicken, humor, i, morning, scream, understand, wake, wake up, why
The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

2 weeks ago

call, humor, morning, people, radio, real, stations, wake, wake up
I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

2 weeks ago

around, humble, humor, i, morning, morning routine, rooster, routine, scream, wake, wake up, wander
I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

2 weeks ago

am, hate, humor, i, morning, photosynthesis, sarcasm, saying, shining, sun, wake, wake up
If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

2 weeks ago

ads, apology, Bitcoin, drunk, ex, hacked, humor, message, pretend, relationship, wake, wake up, worry
My superpower is to wake up more tired than I was when I fell asleep.

2 weeks ago

asleep, exhaustion, humor, i, relatable, sleep, superpower, tired, wake, wake up
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

2 weeks ago

alarm, decision, dressed, humor, illness, moment, morning, procrastination, struggle, wake up

For even more funny wake up quotes, hit next 👇

All funny wake up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Twitch this month:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

36 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

70 shares on Discord this month:

People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

74 shares on X this month:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

83 shares on TikTok this month:

I swear some songs have background noises of your mum shouting your name from downstairs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I had 99 problems but getting divorced solved 98 of them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Making waves on Twitch:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Freshly posted on X:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

Breaking via X:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Seen just now on Slack:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Going bananas on X:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Just shared via Snapchat:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Activity Log ✨

75 Funny wake up quotes

More funny wake up quotes 👇

All funny wake up quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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