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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡± has shared:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡³ has downloaded:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡¬ has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡¦ has copied:

I ain’t typing β€œX” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has shared:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has copied:

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,574

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via WeChat:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Just shared via WeChat:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Just landed via Messenger:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Making waves on Messenger:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Making waves on Twitch:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Making waves on TikTok:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Live now on Twitch:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on WeChat this month:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

62 shares on X this month:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

37 shares on Slack this month:

People say, β€œListen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Trending Topics πŸ“

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Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

12 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

And where did Mr. Pepper receive his degree from exactly?

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has copied:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has downloaded:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡― has shared:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has shared:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has copied:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Making waves on Threads:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Broadcasted on Slack:

The only love triangle I’m interested in is between me, my book, and my cozy blanket.

Shared recently on X:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Trending via Twitch:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Going bananas on Telegram:

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Spotted on Discord:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Seen just now on Threads:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

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