Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

Making waves on Threads:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Going bananas on Instagram:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Shared recently on Telegram:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Going viral on Telegram:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Spotted on Threads:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Living on 'planet no bedtime' where clocks have no curfew! 😴⏰🚀"

am, exaggeration, humor, i, joke, late, late night, million, night, procrastination, staying, staying up, time, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

0

3 months ago

career, humor, i, leisure, lifestyle, porch, relaxation, sit, want
Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

0

1 month ago

booster, conversation, dimly, dimly-lit, drink, getting, good, heal, healing, lit, me, mood, mood booster, relaxation, restaurant, right, socializing, tipsy
Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

0

2 months ago

activity, extrovert, hanging, hanging out, heartbreak, hours, introvert, isolation, punishment, sentence, social, social activity
People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

0

2 months ago

always, ask, belief, believe, confidence, course, faith, God, humor, i, important, irony, me, people, say, self-belief, spirituality
Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

0

2 months ago

anything, cauliflower, dream, dreams, food, give, humor, inspiration, motivation, noodle, noodles, pizza, too, want, zucchini
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, bed, bounce, clumsy, floor, humor, knock, lamp, mishap, moment, phone, technology, throw, walls

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on X this month:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

50 shares on TikTok this month:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

56 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Did we do it, did we save the daylight?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Trending via YouTube:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone “he’ll yeah” ..

Breaking via TikTok:

I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Shared recently on Slack:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨