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Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I have information that will lead to where your hug is at.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

Live now on Reddit:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I get at least 1,000 steps in waiting for my food to be done in the microwave.

Trending via YouTube:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Texting him “Happy New Year” to interrupt his healing process.

Spotted on Threads:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Going bananas on X:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Live now on WeChat:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about door-locking anxiety, playful and humorous in tone.

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Commentary:
Ah yes, the classic "Did I lock the door or just have a profound staring contest with my keys?" moment! 🔑🤔💭

anxiety, door, doubt, everyday, everyday life, feel, forgetfulness, front, front door, hand, humor, i, life, locked, locking, staring, still, sure

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Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Twitch this month:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

15 shares on Slack this month:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

22 shares on Discord this month:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It’s almost bed time, so I’ll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

Just shared via Instagram:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

Spotted on Instagram:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Breaking via YouTube:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Just shared via Facebook:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

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Activity Log ✨

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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