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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Enjoy the time between diapers!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Breaking via Twitch:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me leaving the zoo like: 🐧🚗 'He followed me home, I swear!' 😂"

animal, car, end, escape, humor, i, ID, joke, penguin, pet, shift, work, workplace, zoo

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, death, God, going, humor, irony, maker, meet, mingle, people, say, someone, staff
Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

0

5 months ago

acceptance, ever, feel, guilt, guilty, guilty pleasure, humor, i, pleasure, self, self-acceptance, why
If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

0

2 months ago

charge, cooky, elf, holiday, humor, imagination, leadership, put, responsibility, sh, stuff, toys, why
Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

0

2 months ago

communication, conversation, hate, humor, i, irony, language, media, misinterpretation, misunderstanding, online, online conversation, only, pancakes, place, sarcasm, say, social, social media, somebody, still, Twitter, waffles, where
I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

0

2 months ago

anticipation, end, everyone, hold, hold on, humor, i, plot, plot twist, surprise, think, tight, twist, year
An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult humor, adults, advent, advent calendar, anxiety, anxiety relief, calendar, countdown, different, door, every, festive, festive fun, fun, funny gift, gift, health, holiday, holiday stress, humor, kind, medication, mental, mental health, relief, stress

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

18 shares on YouTube this month:

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The world contains protons, neutrons, electrons, and morons.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Asking the pharmacy if they have a secret menu.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Game night with the family is only fun until I lose.

Going viral on Slack:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Trending via Instagram:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Going viral on Threads:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

Shared recently on Twitch:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Live now on Discord:

I slept like a baby, knowing I’m a burden to everyone around me.

Shared recently on Slack:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Trending via TikTok:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Just shared via Reddit:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

If elves make shoes, cookies, and toys, why don’t we put them in charge of more stuff?

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨