Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Does anyone have the number of the witch from Snow White? I need a few apples.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

Trending via YouTube:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Going bananas on Twitch:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Trending via YouTube:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Going viral on Twitch:

Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

Spotted on Snapchat:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Trending via Snapchat:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Breaking via Messenger:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Live now on X:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like a solid retirement plan, but why wait? Career goals: Porch Professional 🌞🪑🍹

career, humor, i, leisure, lifestyle, porch, relaxation, sit, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

6 months ago

2022, before, ChatGPT, chopper, comparison, entry-level, entry-level job, getting, humor, impact, job, job market, last, last chopper, market, realize, release, taking, technology, technology impact, Vietnam
When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

2 months ago

communication, conversation, humor, interaction, language, new, social, social interaction, someone, talking, tell, trying, vocabulary, word
“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

2 months ago

age, aging, day, discomfort, head, humor, hurts, i, neck, next, night, pain, pillow, sleep, turn, where, wrong
My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

2 months ago

career, career plan, disappear, dreaming, humor, lottery, plan, sarcasm, thinking, win, wishful, wishful thinking
No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

2 months ago

anything, family, humor, know, lie, parent, promise, sarcasm, seeing, well
Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

1 month ago

absurd, again, apart, Christmas, family, holiday, holiday season, humor, insane, months, people, reunion, season, should, six, socializing, soon, Thanksgiving, timing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Twitch this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

85 shares on X this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

97 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

82 shares on Discord this month:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

57 shares on Discord this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

35 shares on Discord this month:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

46 shares on Threads this month:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Going viral on WeChat:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Making waves on Threads:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

Just landed via Slack:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Just shared via Slack:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

My career plan? Win the lottery and disappear.

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨