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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I think my boss is delusional; he keeps shaking his head and calls me Jesus Christ.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Asking women for sex just to end the conversation.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If I was a little smarter, I’d be aware of how stupid I am.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Spotted on Instagram:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Spotted on Slack:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Just landed via Facebook:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

Trending via Facebook:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Live now on Reddit:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Shared recently on Threads:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Making waves on X:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

2 months ago

0

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, getting fired from a massage parlor for rubbing people the wrong way? That's quite the twist 😂 Maybe they just couldn't handle your unconventional 'deep tissue' technique 🤔 Keep those massages strictly PG next time! 💆‍♂️💼 #RubbedTheWrongWay"

fired, humor, i, job, joke, just, massage, parlor, people, reason, rub, specific, wrong, wrong way

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

0

2 months ago

conflict, dream, dynamics, face, frustration, humor, office, office humor, people, punch, reason, sarcasm, say, social, social dynamics, teamwork, want, work, workplace
Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

0

2 months ago

crying, exercise, fitness, humor, irony, know, muscle, muscles, passion
If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

0

2 months ago

bike, care, city, DUI, health, humor, means, new, New York City, riding, Tennessee, york
Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

0

2 months ago

after, around, art, art critique, art museum, banger, casual, casual talk, critique, expression, humor, museum, museum visit, painting, saying, slang, talk, verbal, verbal expression, visit, walking
The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

0

1 month ago

being, best, celebration, family, food, friend, friends, gathering, holiday, pie, Thanksgiving
I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

0

2 months ago

dilemma, downstairs, food, funny situation, help, hunger, rescue, send, situation, upstairs

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Messenger this month:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

God, I wish I had enough money to discover it doesn’t make me happy.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

48 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,579

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Pumpkin spice season comes earlier every year and yet some still deny climate change.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Spotted on Instagram:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

Going bananas on Discord:

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Shared recently on Discord:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Just shared via Threads:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Just shared via Facebook:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Trending via Discord:

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

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