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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

40 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Slack:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Spotted on Slack:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Seen just now on Slack:

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Going viral on X:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, reading 20 books, huh? That’s cute. Try keeping up with my 50,000 tweets marathon! 📚🤳 Who needs novels when you have Twitter for instant literary gratification? 🐦😂"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

778 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,940

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,940

Updated

40 minutes ago

Users Online

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

Trending via Telegram:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Reported on Instagram:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Trending via Slack:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Making waves on X:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Going viral on Instagram:

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

Breaking via Instagram:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Trending via Slack:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Reported on Telegram:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

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