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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’ll never tell anyone your secret because that would mean talking to people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Seen just now on Slack:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Spotted on WeChat:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Broadcasted on X:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Spotted on Snapchat:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Spotted on Threads:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Just shared via WeChat:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

2 months ago

0

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your bilingual skills impress the cat into speaking English, but he's still one step ahead! 🐱🗣️😂 #FluentInFeline"

animal, animal communication, back, barrier, cat, cats, communication, effort, English, humor, i, joke, just, language, language barrier, language joke, making, meowing, quirky, show, tried

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

0

2 months ago

cat, communication, dogs, fetch, humor, i, internet, irony, newspapers, pets, sorry, technology
My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

0

3 months ago

beach, behavior, food, fry, funny behavior, humor, husband, i, relationship, say, seagull, snack, stealing, stealing food, want
Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

0

2 months ago

bar, bulb, change, funny moment, humor, i, joke, life, light, light bulb, moment, punchline, today
I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

0

2 months ago

head, humor, i, music, people, recommend, songs, stuck
Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

0

5 months ago

chaos, fit, hell, humor, i, right, shopping, today, Walmart, wild
Somehow I picked the worst possible decade to try to have a career.

0

3 weeks ago

career, decade, humor, i, picked, struggle, timing, try, worst

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Discord this month:

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

50 shares on Slack this month:

I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

65 shares on Discord this month:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

69 shares on Threads this month:

I was meant to be rich, I can tell by the way I spend money.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Many men also have a walk-in closet. For them, it’s just called a floor.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

77 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,759

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

You can’t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

The peace of not knowing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Trending via Instagram:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Going viral on Facebook:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Just landed via Facebook:

Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

Breaking via Slack:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Making waves on Threads:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

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