I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

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Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

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My mirror needs a screenshot button.

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Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

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I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

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This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

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I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

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A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

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I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

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When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

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Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.