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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

My favorite color is money.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

427 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,696

Funny Quotes Topics

17,713

Funny Quotes Images

15,696

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Spotted on Discord:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Just shared via Threads:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Just shared via X:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My favorite delusion is that I just need to get through this week.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Just shared via Discord:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

17 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate practice-makes-perfect relationship strategy! 💍🤣

break, break up, commitment, dating, enough, give, humor, love, marriage, married, never, persistence, person, relationship, same, times

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

2 months ago

age, doctor, feel, feeling, feeling old, hit, humor, i, life, me, old, wisdom
Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

2 months ago

advice, advisor, budgeting, cost, enough, finance, financial, financial advisor, hiring, humor, i, money, paying, personal, personal finance, piece
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

3 months ago

experience, fun, good, humor, love, meaningless, pretty, relationships, sex
I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

2 months ago

6, away, distance, feet, humor, i, kind, miss, pandemic, people, social, space
The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

2 months ago

animal, card, concern, credit, credit card debt, debt, finance, humor, joke, lion, metaphor, money, stress
The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

2 days ago

alarm, before, effective, iPhone, listen, morning, noise, sleep, technology, wake, wake up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

35 shares on Instagram this month:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

66 shares on Slack this month:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

41 shares on Discord this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t even know what the Transformers are fighting about, to be honest.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Welcome to social media. A person who does not understand humor will contact you shortly.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Trending via Facebook:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Trending via Snapchat:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Just landed via WeChat:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

Going viral on X:

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you break up with the same person enough times, you eventually get married. Never give up.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨