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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Just shared via Facebook:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Spotted on Instagram:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Trending via Pinterest:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Going bananas on X:

I don’t drink alcohol. I like suffering raw.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

Going viral on Reddit:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I need to work on my swagger then! 😎✨

allegation, allegations, attitude, confidence, enough, fly, gay, gay allegation, hit, humor, identity, joke, never

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

0

2 months ago

brain, ever, having, humor, just, little, magnificently, read, reconcile, something, space, stare, stupid
I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

0

6 months ago

child, crypto, explaining, explanation, friend, humor, i, imaginary, imaginary friend, misunderstanding, nine-year-old, said, sell, selling, someone, sounds, tried, trying
Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

0

2 months ago

complaint, hours, humor, job, just, office, show, sometimes, stress, torture, work
I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

0

2 months ago

challenge, create, humor, i, irony, math, new, paradox, problem, solve, three
Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

0

2 months ago

aging, being, frequency, growing, growing old, humor, life, nothing, old, perspective, process, saying, wrong
It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

0

2 months ago

always, doing, getting, getting ready, hectic, hour, humor, management, me, minutes, nothing, preparation, procrastination, ready, rest, self-care, time, time management

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on X this month:

A flat stomach is one of the best accessories.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

24 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

76 shares on X this month:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

30 shares on Messenger this month:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

It’s my birthday, but I’m not gonna post about it for attention like some kind of loser.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Making waves on YouTube:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Live now on Discord:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Just shared via Discord:

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

Trending via Snapchat:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Going bananas on Threads:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Spotted on Threads:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Spotted on Instagram:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Live now on Slack:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨