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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Trending via TikTok:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Trending via Instagram:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m very strong, but not in a get a jar open kinda way.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Just shared via YouTube:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, at least now I know where to keep my snacks during awkward conversations! 😂🙈 #Priorities

boob, boobs, contact, eye, eye contact, glad, humor, i, interaction, last, making, me, need, people, self-deprecating, social, social interaction, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

0

2 months ago

age, brain, childhood, days, difficulty, easier, gaming, hard, hit, humor, just, kid, matter, mental, mental age, nostalgia, opposite, patience, puzzle, wait, Zelda
People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

0

2 months ago

advice, do it, expectations, humor, irony, life, life advice, people, right, right way, wrong, wrong way
Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

0

2 months ago

1, 50, activity, after, age, age humor, calling, floor, floor activity, gift, gift wrapping, gifts, help, holiday, holiday preparation, holiday spirit, humor, preparation, spirit, stand, standing, standing up, struggle, wrapping
I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

0

1 day ago

commentary, crowd, discover, human, human right, humor, i, international, international law, irony, law, politics, real, right, rights, skepticism, social, social commentary, wait
I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

0

2 months ago

blame, culture, generation, humor, i, kids, know, lynyrd, Lynyrd Skynyrd, music, names, naming, parents, put, skynyrd, think, too
Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

0

2 months ago

adventure, friendship, good, humor, irony, journey, me, places, stick, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

19 shares on X this month:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore, or is there just too much other news?

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

When the moon hits your eye like it’s 5:45, that’s November.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Being social sucks all my energy.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Breaking via X:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

Trending via Snapchat:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

How can I be expected to get out of bed when I don’t want to?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Going viral on Messenger:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨