Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Spotted on Reddit:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Just shared via Slack:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Making waves on WeChat:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Making waves on Facebook:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Trending via Snapchat:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

3 weeks ago

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I'd recommend some ghost therapy for my buddy, but I'm afraid they'd become pals and plan a haunting party instead! 👻🎉👻

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50 shares on Messenger this month:

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

27 shares on Instagram this month:

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Writing is so fun because you get to google things like “woman names”.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Of all the ways to be miserable, marriage is the most expensive.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Just landed via Snapchat:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Trending via YouTube:

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

Just landed via Threads:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Trending via Instagram:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Making waves on YouTube:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Just shared via Instagram:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

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Activity Log ✨

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Welcome to your 50s: You’re not attracted to anyone who likes you.

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨