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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I had to quit my job because people kept falling in love with me there.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Whoever named frogs got it 100% right. Those things are frogs.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,339

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I got confused by all the yard signs, and I think I may have voted for a realtor.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Just landed via Threads:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Making waves on Facebook:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Live now on TikTok:

Wake me when AI does housework.

Trending via Reddit:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Just shared via Instagram:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Trending via Discord:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the need for ghostly visits to improve people's lives.

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Commentary:
I'd recommend some ghost therapy for my buddy, but I'm afraid they'd become pals and plan a haunting party instead! 👻🎉👻

actually, being, benefit, crazy, ghost, ghosts, humor, i, joke, know, people, spooky, three, visit

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Threads this month:

Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone.

71 shares on X this month:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

63 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Checked myself, but unfortunately, after I wrecked myself.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Y’all ever feel like your mouth is stupid but your mind is smart? Like you’re intelligent but you can’t express it when you’re speaking? It’s so frustrating.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Every day I tell myself, “You got this,” and every day, “this” gets weirder.

Live now on Telegram:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Going bananas on Discord:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Spotted on Slack:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Making waves on Twitch:

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

Shared recently on Slack:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Spotted on Reddit:

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

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Activity Log ✨

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨