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Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Get in loser. We’re going on a guilt trip.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Just shared via WeChat:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

You haven’t experienced proper anger until you have a sister.

Making waves on Facebook:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

4 weeks ago

Witty quote about the need for ghostly visits to improve people's lives.

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Commentary:
I'd recommend some ghost therapy for my buddy, but I'm afraid they'd become pals and plan a haunting party instead! 👻🎉👻

actually, being, benefit, crazy, ghost, ghosts, humor, i, joke, know, people, spooky, three, visit

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81 shares on Slack this month:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Those eyes ain’t gonna roll itself, let me help you.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

96 shares on X this month:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Any room can be a rage room if you just give me a minute.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I actually do check to see if you told me happy birthday before I tell you.

Just shared via Telegram:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Breaking via Reddit:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

Just shared via TikTok:

Donnie Darko was also ahead of its time because the guy’s haunted by a giant Labubu.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Just landed via WeChat:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

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It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Today, I used a wire I’ve kept in my box of cables since 2011. Please applaud.

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

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