Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Seen just now on Threads:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Live now on Discord:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

2 months ago

0

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the struggle is real for the tinfoil fashionistas! 🎩✨ Talk about a fashion statement gone awry thanks to the conspiracy crew. Guess we'll just have to find a new trend to keep those brain waves in check! 🧠🚫 #FashionFails #TinfoilTrendGoneWrong

crazy, crazy person, fashion, hat, humor, just, people, person, ruined, satire, sucks, tinfoil, tinfoil hat, us

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

0

2 months ago

expectation, frustration, humor, i, irony, mad, music, play, playlist, put, shuffle, song, technology, want
Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

0

2 months ago

back, crisis, existential, existential crisis, factory, factory settings, humor, late, life, reset, settings
How come it’s called “thrift store shopping” instead of Goodwill hunting?

0

2 months ago

bargain, Goodwill, humor, hunting, retail, shopping, shopping trip, store, thrift, thrift store, trip, wordplay
She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

0

2 months ago

adventure, anthony, Anthony Bourdain, bourdain, calls, cooking, eat, food, foodie, humor, i, me, parts, playful, relationship, reservations, restaurant, restaurant humor, unknown
I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

0

2 months ago

always, door, garage, getting, getting rid, hoodlum, humor, i, meaning, procrastination, rid, shut, stealing, stuff, sure, want
I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

0

2 months ago

boredom, couch, dressed, getting, getting ready, hate, i, idiot, impatience, overprepared, ready, sit, too, wait, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

64 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

75 shares on YouTube this month:

Babe, are you ok? You’ve barely talked about the horrors of being alive.

13 shares on Threads this month:

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,436

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Doesn’t matter if the chicken or the egg came first. Still a weird thing to just appear.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

Just landed via Twitch:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Trending via YouTube:

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

Going bananas on Slack:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Shared recently on TikTok:

Remember when a series of unfortunate events was a book and not your life?

Live now on Twitch:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴