Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Spotted on WeChat:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Spotted on Instagram:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Just shared via Facebook:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Spotted on Instagram:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Live now on WeChat:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew cauliflower could be so controversial? 🤔🍪 Report them for crimes against cookies! 😂 #CauliflowerGate"

baking, cauliflower, content, cooky, food, harmful, harmful content, humor, i, internet, job, just, police, policing, post, recipe, saw, someone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

0

2 months ago

change, day, doing, every, every day, flirt, humor, ID, laundry, me, meant, name, relationship, think
Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

0

4 months ago

3, apartment, experience, experiences, house, human, human experience, moving, top, worst, worst experience
Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

0

2 months ago

compliment, fashion, good, humor, look good, lose, love, me, potato, potato sack, relationship, sack, self-esteem, tell
Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, bagel, everyone, everything, expectation, food, humor, metaphor, need, needs, wants
God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

0

4 months ago

AI, bless, blessing, chance, confused, confusion, essay, God, humor, rambling, student, used, writing, zero
Using my one phone call to call Santa.

0

2 months ago

call, Christmas, festive, holiday, humor, joke, phone, phone call, prank, Santa, using

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Telegram this month:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

20 shares on Instagram this month:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

You don’t need to leave a message in a bottle. If the bottle is full of tequila, I’ll get the message.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to see my older sister so she can point out I have more gray hair than she does.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Trending via Facebook:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Trending via Reddit:

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Going viral on Discord:

I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

Just landed via Slack:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Breaking via Slack:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨