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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Oh, sorry about bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to slam my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Making waves on TikTok:

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Going bananas on Slack:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Shared recently on Messenger:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Looks like I’ll be requesting “eternal rest” as my next PTO 😂🪦

acceptance, day, funeral, humor, job, never, retire, using, vacation, vacation day, work, working

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

2 months ago
condom, humor, idiot, idiots, prevention, produce, relationship, responsibility, stock, stock up, sure
Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

1 month ago
6, boat, emoji, family, house, houses, humor, moves, moving, next, television, tiny, tiny house
Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

1 month ago
everything, fat, humor, joke, leave, me, weight
“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

1 month ago
comedy, end, family, father, home, humor, important, meeting, meetings, mom, money, nothing, online, online meeting, parenting, rich, said, technology, thanks, wealth, work, work from home, Zoom
There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

1 month ago
elected, elected official, election, governance, humor, least, lottery, normal, occasionally, official, only, pick, politics, random, well
Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

1 month ago
better, confidence, content, content creation, creation, humor, i, media, motivation, myself, procrastination, self-improvement, social, social media, working

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

UNO is based on luck unless I win, then it’s based on strategy, and I’m a genius.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

“I have a favourite hole”, me, at the pool table.

Just shared via Telegram:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

I’m already spoiled… please don’t come into my life trying to unspoil me.

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Why is experimental noise music always scary metallic noises and never fun sounds like people clapping and laughing and like bubbles and stuff?

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

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I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

Next on Tiny Houses: A family of 6 moves into a boat emoji.

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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