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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Sorry, I would love to, but I just made a bunch of rules for myself, and I’m actually not allowed to do that.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Just shared via WeChat:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Spotted on WeChat:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Seen just now on Slack:

This year has been the perfect blend between me losing my mind and having the time of my life.

Trending via Reddit:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Trending via Threads:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Making waves on Discord:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

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Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.
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Commentary:
Woke up feeling like my pillow tried karate on me last night! 🛏️🥊😴

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on X this month:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

13 shares on Threads this month:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

13 shares on Reddit this month:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

31 shares on Threads this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

73 shares on X this month:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

43 shares on X this month:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Canceled a date for a date with another guy, and that guy canceled. It’s what I deserve.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m starting to think the real hell is just being stuck in an infinite loop of self-doubt and bad life choices.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,340

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I love having plans to cancel.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

Making waves on Instagram:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Live now on Facebook:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Live now on X:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

Just shared via Telegram:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Just shared via Telegram:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Spotted on Facebook:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Making waves on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

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