Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Really love how dancing alone in your room can literally save your life.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Just landed via Telegram:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Spotted on Facebook:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Trending via Twitch:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Trending via Instagram:

I get ignored so much, my name should be “terms and conditions”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

Making waves on Telegram:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Spotted on TikTok:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Witty quote about a kid's food preferences, humorous and playful in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When your kid has the psychic ability to detect yucky food from a mile away! 🥦🔮😆"

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Discord this month:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My doctor told me I should try anger management classes, and I’m still really pissed at him about it.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,299

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Going viral on Twitch:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Spotted on Instagram:

The real pandemic was when everyone was reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Spotted on YouTube:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Just shared via Facebook:

As a childless adult, it is my duty to embrace hobbies and pastimes that my peers cannot, as they have sacrificed their free time to maintain the population. I must vibe and chill, and do fun things, in their honor.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴