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Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The people that sing their heart out, but terribly, are my people.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Just shared via Twitch:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When I said you had a “serial killer face” I had meant it as a compliment. Like, you look like you are very ambitious is what I meant.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Just landed via TikTok:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Just landed via Snapchat:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about struggling with one’s own overthinking and mental chaos.

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Commentary:
Brain: "I’m breaking up with you!” Me: "You’ll come crawling back at 2am.” 😂🧠💔

abusive, abusive relationship, brain, health, humor, mental, mental health, most, own, relationship, self

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56 shares on Telegram this month:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

52 shares on Threads this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

15 shares on Slack this month:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Maybe your dog is barking at my luggage because he doesn’t enjoy his job, officer.

32 shares on Threads this month:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

30 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes when I get negative feedback I’m like “Hey, only I get to talk to myself that way”.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

Making waves on Messenger:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Going viral on Telegram:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Just shared via Reddit:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Just shared via YouTube:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Just landed via X:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

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Activity Log ✨

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

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