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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Flirting with submissives is actually really easy. All you gotta do is send a gif of a small animal and say, ‘This is so you.’

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Live now on Threads:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Just shared via Twitch:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Sorry for levitating at the end of your bed all night, I just think you’re really cute.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Brain: "I’m breaking up with you!” Me: "You’ll come crawling back at 2am.” 😂🧠💔

abusive, abusive relationship, brain, health, humor, mental, mental health, most, own, relationship, self

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

2 months ago

alarm, alien, asleep, before, being, ever, exhaustion, fear, hate, hope, humor, i, invasion, night, sleep, start, waking
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

2 months ago

childhood, humor, kid, nap, proud, relaxation, wish
I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

2 months ago

day, disappointment, even, Friday, frustration, good, humor, i, mood, only, realization, Thursday
Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

2 months ago

anything, boundary, food, good, humor, i, love, lyrics, means, meatloaf, music, music reference, reference, relationship, safe, safe word, word
If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

2 months ago

basketball, business, championships, helping, humor, i, local, order, spirit, sports, team, team spirit, teen, teen wolf, transformation, wolf
I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

2 months ago

birth, child, child birth, daily, daily life, family, faster, humor, i, kid, life, motherhood, parenting, put, speed

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Super excited to not contribute anything worthwhile today.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Social media may have been a mistake.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Seen just now on Discord:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Trending via Twitch:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Seen just now on Slack:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Just landed via Reddit:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My most abusive relationship is with my own brain.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨