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Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Y’all scared to be single, I’m scared to be in another pointless relationship.

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Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

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The lion does not concern himself with the few small drops of pee that got on his boxers at the urinal even after he did a few shakes to be sure.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Going viral on Telegram:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

Making waves on WeChat:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Live now on TikTok:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like a well-balanced diet of hopeful thinking and frequent snacking! 🍔⏳😂

diet, eating, hours, humor, journey, just, loss, meal, meals, three, time, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

1 month ago
alcohol, beer, drink, humor, i, marketing, occasionally, say, should, somebody, witty, wordplay
The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

2 months ago
70s, 80s, 90s, best, decade, decades, evidence, humor, memory, nostalgia
Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

1 month ago
always, attract, attraction, bright, bugs, confidence, dating, everyone, humor, light, personality, quality, types, women
Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

1 month ago
deactivation, detox, digital, digital detox, fix, humor, Instagram, life, media, nothing, social, social media
Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

1 month ago
consequences, dark, dark humor, everyone, expectation, happiness, happy, humor, irony, push, stairs
Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

2 months ago
bride, guest, humor, marriage, relationship, threat, veiled, veiled threat, wedding, wedding guest, wife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Spreading quickly via X:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Going viral on WeChat:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Making waves on Instagram:

I am half agony, half hope.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to stay up all night.

Just shared via Facebook:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Making waves on Facebook:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

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Activity Log ✨

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

How is this the same brain that used to remember everybody’s phone numbers?

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

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My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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