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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

They say white people don’t have their own culture, but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog, and there’s no way we appropriated that from anyone else.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Going viral on Facebook:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Men used to go to war, now they drinking matcha.

Spotted on Instagram:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Trending via Twitch:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Making waves on Slack:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Just landed via Reddit:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you need a time machine to get all the jokes, but you're still rockin' like it's 1999! 🎸🕺💾

12-year-old, 12-year-old boy, 40, 40-year-old, age, age gap, bloodhound, Bloodhound Gang, boy, boys, every, gang, gap, humor, music, nostalgia, old, reference, special

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

0

2 months ago

being, career, humor, job, job search, know, piece, piece of shit, questioning, sarcasm, search, shit
I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

0

2 months ago

bet, dating, everything, feelings, fine, humor, i, pretending, relationship, sarcasm, somewhere, soulmate
On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

0

2 months ago

agenda, family, family vacation, internet, loud, parent, parents, read, reading, vacation
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

0

5 months ago

attention, awareness, enough, happiness, happy, humor, irony, know, mood, observation, paying
Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

0

2 months ago

change, coconut, counting, falling, falling coconut, getting, humor, issue, issues, personality, work
There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

0

2 months ago

apparently, big, big cat, case, casual, cat, coolers, cougar, cougar warning, humor, i, just, misunderstanding, neighborhood, neighborhood safety, nothing, safety, warning, wine, wine coolers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

17 shares on X this month:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

84 shares on Messenger this month:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

16 shares on Threads this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

40 shares on Telegram this month:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Going viral on Reddit:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating.

Breaking via Twitch:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Trending via Reddit:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Live now on WeChat:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The Bloodhound Gang were very special because its music for 12-year-old boys, but every reference requires you to be 40 years old.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

On today’s family vacation agenda: my parents read the internet out loud.

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨