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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,785

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I know Jesus was a carpenter, but I think he would’ve been a better plumber, you know, with the water thing.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Just landed via X:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Making waves on Facebook:

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Achieving "Master of Zen and the Art of Couch Surfing" isn't just a skill, it's a lifestyle 🧘‍♂️✨🛋️

5, break, career, career break, enlightenment, gap, humor, i, job, job gap, meditation, reach, resume, resume gap, self-improvement, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

0

2 months ago

cult, decision, housing, humor, irony, just, lifestyle, subsidized
I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, bad, bad weather, driving, humor, i, mind, people, road, road safety, safety, traffic, weather
I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

0

5 months ago

apology, awkward, awkward moment, clothes, flirting, funny phrase, humor, i, line, moment, phrase, pickup, pickup line, said, sexy, sexy time, sorry, still, time, want
Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

0

2 months ago

delay, distraction, humor, i, internet, just, laziness, need, procrastination, thing, whole, yes
I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

0

2 months ago

hearing, humor, i, ID, log, log off, myself, sarcasm, self, self-talk, talk, tired
If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

0

2 months ago

chip, chips, food, food humor, gambling, gambling problem, game, humor, ID, joking, played, poker, potato, potato chip, problem, snack

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Threads this month:

The way time stretches between the moment you put your hands under the air dryer and the realization it is in fact a paper towel dispenser.

57 shares on X this month:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

45 shares on Twitch this month:

People at the library need to learn how to be quiet. Some of us are trying to beatbox over here.

22 shares on Slack this month:

If consuming too much caffeine causes short-term memory loss, just imagine what consuming too much caffeine can do.

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

Spotted on Twitch:

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Just shared via Discord:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Spotted on WeChat:

No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Just shared via X:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨