The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

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Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

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Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

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“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

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There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

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The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

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This alien invasion could have been an email.

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“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

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If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

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I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

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I miss when bills were none of my business.