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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Breaking via Facebook:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Just landed via Messenger:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Just landed via Twitch:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Spotted on Facebook:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Going bananas on Slack:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Trending via YouTube:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Making waves on Messenger:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Just call me Dr. Chickenstein, performing the most delicious autopsy known to mankind! 🔍🍗😂"

activity, autopsy, chicken, eat, food, food joke, fun, fun activity, humor, i, joke, pretend, quirky, rotisserie, silly

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

33 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

“Is there anything else I can assist you with today?” No, just that one thing you couldn’t assist me with, thanks.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

48 shares on Slack this month:

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

Is there a word for FOMO but it’s already happened and you didn’t know about it when it was happening?

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

13 shares on Discord this month:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Broadcasted on X:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Shared recently on TikTok:

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Never going into a job interview nervous again, because, wow, it is literally a free invitation to talk about how amazing I am.

Making waves on X:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Making waves on TikTok:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Making waves on Twitch:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Making waves on YouTube:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

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Activity Log ✨

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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