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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

All I think about is death and sex.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Chill, folks, it’s just a simulation.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,592

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Going bananas on Slack:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

Spotted on Threads:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Just landed via Facebook:

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

0
You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Hey there, intimidating challenge! You don't scare me one bit, I've faced tougher opponents before. You're like that moment when your kid sees their sibling got a bigger slice of cake – surprising, but nothing I can't handle! 😜🍰 #BringItOn"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

81 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

79 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

60 shares on Facebook this month:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

Used to wonder why my parents couldn’t grasp technology, but now, anytime I see something new, I’m like, “I’m not learning that.”

65 shares on Instagram this month:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

January-me would not believe the life I lived this year.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,721

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Spotted on YouTube:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Going viral on TikTok:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Just shared via YouTube:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Just landed via Threads:

Wolves should really raise more people.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Breaking via Threads:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Just landed via Telegram:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

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