Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me. You’re not a parking garage that I can’t figure out how to get out of.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Trending via TikTok:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Broadcasted on X:

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

Trending via Messenger:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Trending via WhatsApp:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Maybe I should start a support group: People with Uncontrollable Monkey Instincts 🐒🛏️🙈

advice, bed, behavior, both, doctor, family, health, health advice, humor, instinct, jumping, jumping on the bed, know, live, monkey, monkey instinct, playful, playful behavior, said, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

0

2 months ago

accident, before, clothing, daily, daily life, humor, i, just, life, matter, myself, pants, something, spill, time, today, wardrobe, white, white pants
I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

0

2 months ago

emotions, humor, i, mood, mood swing, personality, self-deprecation, swing
A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

0

2 months ago

animal, architecture, beaver, humor, otter, study
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

0

2 months ago

drink, good, humor, irony, lying, lying down, man, moon, problem, put, relaxation, space, wine
I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

0

3 months ago

chronically, chronically online, different, digital, digital life, humor, internet, internet humor, life, media, online, sarcasm, social, social media, sophisticated, witty
Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

0

1 month ago

affection, again, being, called, compliment, cute, cutest, endearment, love, me, name, only, pet, pet name, relationship, romantic, say, thing, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Discord this month:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

23 shares on Twitch this month:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

60 shares on Threads this month:

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Can we call situationships ‘affairs’ again? It sounds more adult and less desperate.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Might start signing off emails with, “But what do I know.”

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Spotted on Messenger:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Making waves on Instagram:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Seen just now on Slack:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Live now on YouTube:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Going viral on Threads:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Being called ‘my love’ is probably the cutest thing, like yes, that’s me. I’m the one you love. I’m the only one you love. I’m your love. Say it again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨