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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

784 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,946

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,946

48 minutes ago

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Live now on Snapchat:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Going viral on Facebook:

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

Spotted on TikTok:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Spotted on YouTube:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Spotted on Pinterest:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Shared recently on Slack:

My life is based on a true story.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The advantage of being an identical twin: you only need one gym contract.

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

6 months ago

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

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Commentary:
Oh, the classic game of "Excuse Roulette" where each excuse is like a different piece of colorful candy in a candy store 🍬🎲! It's all fun and games until you realize you've exhausted your excuse inventory and you're left with the good old "my dog ate my homework" 🐶📚. Time to get creative and think outside the box!

call, creativity, excuse, honesty, humor, i, procrastination, simple, used, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

784 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,946

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,946

48 minutes ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on X:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Making waves on Facebook:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Reported on Discord:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Breaking via X:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Trending via Slack:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

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