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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,644

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Just landed via X:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Making waves on Discord:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Just landed via Facebook:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Just shared via Telegram:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I need money, not feelings.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”
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Commentary:
Oh, the classic game of "Excuse Roulette" where each excuse is like a different piece of colorful candy in a candy store 🍬🎲! It's all fun and games until you realize you've exhausted your excuse inventory and you're left with the good old "my dog ate my homework" 🐶📚. Time to get creative and think outside the box!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on X this month:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

24 shares on Threads this month:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so cold outside I saw a gangster pull his pants up and walk stiffly.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Every single morning, I have to get out of bed and do things, and it’s bullshit.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Spotted on Instagram:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Making waves on Telegram:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Trending via YouTube:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Just shared via YouTube:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Just landed via Discord:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

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