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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

If you can’t look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

There is a special place reserved in hell for website designers who disable cut and paste in password fields.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Hanging out with your parents as an adult is so interesting, cause it’s like, “Oh, so that’s why I’m like this.”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Just landed via Twitch:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

Breaking via Instagram:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Spotted on Telegram:

If we’re living in a dystopian nightmare, where the hell is my housekeeping robot?

Live now on Threads:

Life sucks a lot less when your feet are in a creek, and you forgot your phone in the truck.

Shared recently on WeChat:

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Spotted on Discord:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about being startled by a late-night doorbell while playing drums.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my drumming wasn't a soundproof success story after all! 🥁😴🔔

3, 3 a.m., a.m., am, believe, doorbell, drums, funny situation, i, last, late, late night, neighbor, night, noise, playing, playing drums, situation, still, unexpected, unexpected visit, visit

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66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

77 shares on X this month:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

59 shares on Slack this month:

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Making waves on Threads:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Making waves on X:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme casual attire.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I need a break from me.

Live now on Snapchat:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Trending via Threads:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

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Activity Log ✨

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Country music is for men who need a little help crying.

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨