Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I am convinced that some of you are failed experiments that gained sentience and escaped from a lab.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Going viral on Messenger:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Just landed via WeChat:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Just landed via Telegram:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Live now on Instagram:

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Going viral on Slack:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Trending via Snapchat:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like they've cracked the secret recipe for Eau de Purr-fume. 🐱✨🧼

always, breath, cat, cats, clean, cleaning, detergent, fish, happiness, laundry, laundry detergent, little, smell, vanilla

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

0

2 months ago

brave, dating, else, feelings, love, relationship, someone, someone else, tell, watch
Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

0

2 months ago

backstory, counting, emotional, emotional investment, emotionally, humor, i, invested, investment, need, sheep, sleep, therapy, think, tried
Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

0

2 months ago

bullied, crazy, family, getting, here, humor, kids, parenthood, parenting, people
When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

0

5 months ago

being, being somewhere, going, going home, home, honesty, humor, i, introvert, mean, obligation, relatable, say, social, social obligation, somewhere, want
Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

0

2 months ago

cure, depression, financial, financial freedom, freedom, happiness, health, humor, joke, mental, mental health, million, money, thing, wealth
Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

0

2 months ago

expression, finger, gesture, honesty, humor, middle, middle finger, pretend, pull, purse, something, women

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Threads this month:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

15 shares on Discord this month:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

66 shares on X this month:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I want a man who doesn’t annoy me while I’m constantly getting on his nerves. It can’t be that difficult.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Sex before marriage is a sin unless you do it doggy style, because all dogs go to heaven. Follow me for more biblical loopholes.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

How do I un-know people?

Going bananas on X:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Trending via Threads:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Spotted on WeChat:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Trending via WeChat:

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Going viral on Instagram:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Just shared via Slack:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨