Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

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Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

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The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

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Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

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Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

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Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

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8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

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That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

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The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

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I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

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And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”