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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

My kids couldn’t care less about personal hygiene unless we are running late somewhere.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

The money I made gradually, you need urgently?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,317

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Making waves on X:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

For someone with a dry phone, I’m on it way too much.

Live now on Pinterest:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

55 Funny account quotes

More funny account quotes 👇

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

2 weeks ago

account, am, create, create account, frustration, humor, i, online, technology, tyranny, under
I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

2 weeks ago

account, bank, bank account, diet, finance, health, humor, i, joke, loss, Ozempic, taking, think, weight, weight loss
It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

2 weeks ago

account, bank, bank account, basket, chores, daily, daily life, filled, financial, financial struggle, humor, irony, laundry, laundry basket, life, money, nice, relatable, struggle
“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

3 weeks ago

account, balance, brother, humor, life, live, low, struggle, wait
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime.

3 weeks ago

account, after, bank, bank account, checking, crime, desperation, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, irony, joke, life, life of crime, money, need, struggle, turn
I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

3 weeks ago

account, attitude, bank, bank account, card, carefree, carefree attitude, check, even, financial, financial struggle, god’s will, gods, humor, i, just, money, spending, struggle, swipe, swipe card
Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

3 weeks ago

account, advice, ask, bank, bank account, before, bridge, bridge troll, buy, buying, easy, financial, financial advice, humor, i, me, money, need, riddles, something, spending, too, troll
The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

3 weeks ago

account, art, art school, bank, bank account, draw, financial, financial support, humor, learn, life, money, parents, school, student, student life, support, thing
A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

3 weeks ago

account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

3 weeks ago

account, bank, bank account, financial, humor, joke, k, money, sarcasm, silent, wealth

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Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on TikTok this month:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

60 shares on Discord this month:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

86 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

They say 30 is the new 20, and 40 the new 30. All I know is 9 p.m. is the new midnight.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My favorite color is sunshine.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

It’s crazy I need a certificate to prove I was born when you can literally just look at me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Spotted on WeChat:

Humans are the only species that would cut down trees, make paper out of them, and then write “Save the Trees” on it.

Just shared via Messenger:

The “-ification” essay pandemic.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Just shared via Slack:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.

Spotted on Reddit:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

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55 Funny account quotes

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All funny account quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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