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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I need something good to watch while I’m on my phone.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

39 minutes ago

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Just shared via Twitch:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

Just landed via X:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Seen just now on Slack:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Making waves on Messenger:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Home » Funny Arrested Quotes

Funny arrested quotes

New funny arrested quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Commentary:
🎉😂 "Sounds like you're about to break some cake-smashing records instead of laws! Keep up the clean streak! 🎂🚓"
3 months ago
Share →: I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Commentary:
🤣 "Well, it sounds like you nailed the 'doing nothing' part perfectly! Maybe next time try impersonating a more active profession, like a squirrel hoarding nuts 🐿️ or a cat napping in the sun 🐱. Good luck dodging the long arm of the law, my politically inert friend! 🚔"
5 months ago
Share →: If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Commentary:
"Watch out for those meme-criminals! 🕵️‍♂️💻 Arresting people for jokes? Sounds like a job for the Pun Police! 🚨👮‍♂️ Remember, humor is not a crime… unless it's dad jokes. Then maybe it should be 🤣 #FreeTheMemes"
5 months ago
Share →: You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Commentary:
"Who needs a phone call when you can document your epic adventure in jail with a sassy IG story? 💁🏻‍♂️📸 #Cellfie #ArrestGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Commentary:
🤣🏙️ "In a world where chaos reigns and logic takes a backseat, welcome to 'The Dewey Decimated Decimal System'! Who needs mayors and governors when you have a librarian armed with overdue fines and shushing powers ready to bring order to the city? Tune in as our unlikely hero battles late fees and unruly citizens in this unforgettable sitcom where the only crime is not returning your books on time!" 📚🕶️
6 months ago
Share →: There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Commentary:
🦈🚔 "Breaking news: Sharky McSharkface, the notorious underwater menace, has finally been apprehended! Looks like he won't be 'sea'ing the light of day for a while! 🦈⛓️ #SharkBehindBars"

For even more funny arrested quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny arrested quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

39 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, my dog was sleeping in the shape of a donut and I had to take so many photos.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Someone needs to invent a kid that listens the first time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Just landed via YouTube:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Never quit, unless it’s too hard.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Just landed via X:

Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Making waves on Facebook:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Seen just now on X:

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Spotted on Slack:

Life begins when you can afford it.

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