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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Nobody is meaner to me than me. So take your shot.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2109 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,271

Funny Quotes Topics

15,003

Funny Quotes Images

12,271

4 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Watching a movie on the plane? No thanks. Watching my seatmate’s movie with no audio and not understanding what’s going on for over an hour? Yassss.

Making waves on Twitch:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Trending via Twitch:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Reported on Messenger:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Reported on Discord:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

Just landed via Telegram:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Just shared via X:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Home » Funny Ass Quotes

Funny ass quotes

Funny ass quotes are the perfect way to add some 😂 spice and sass to your day! Whether you need a quick laugh or a witty comeback, these hilarious gems will have you snorting with laughter 🤣 and sharing the fun with friends. Get ready to unleash your inner comedian and brighten up any conversation with a dash of cheeky humor 🍑🔥!

New funny ass quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: Ludacris once said “If you ain’t got no money take yo’ broke ass home” and I haven’t left the house since.

Commentary:
🤑💸 When Ludacris drops financial advice, you better listen up! Who knew his words could be so life-changing? 💰💃 Looks like staying home is the new trend now, courtesy of one legendary rap lyric! 🏠😂 #BrokeButContent
6 months ago
Share →: I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Commentary:
"May your day be as fabulous as my *bootylicious* behind 🍑💁‍♀️ Remember, good vibes only! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Commentary:
Well, if your guardian angel is resorting to name-calling, it's clear you might be testing their patience a tad too much! 😇👼 Hopefully, your next encounter involves more praise and less annoyance! 😂 #AngelProblems
6 months ago
Share →: Shout-out to my embarrassingly squeaky ass bed frame that makes me sound more popular than I actually am to my neighbors.

Commentary:
"Ah, the bed frame dilemma! 🎉🛏️ It's like I'm hosting a nightly rave while I just wanted a peaceful slumber! 🥳 Who knew a little wood creaking could turn my bedroom into a VIP party? 🎶💃 But hey, if my neighbors think the epic sounds of 'Battle of the Bed Springs' are the latest trend, I guess I should start charging for tickets! 🎟️🤭 At this rate, my bed might as well
Jan 20, 2025
Share →: I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal mystery of sunglasses: keeping your intentions hidden behind those tinted lenses 😎 Are we making eye contact, or am I just admiring the view? It's a true game of peek-a-boo for the fashionably ambiguous 🕶️🍑 #ShadyMoves"

For even more funny ass quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny ass quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2109 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,271

Funny Quotes Topics

15,003

Funny Quotes Images

12,271

4 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Live now on Telegram:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Spotted on WeChat:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Just shared via YouTube:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Reported on Snapchat:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

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