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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I want to be the kind of person who eats half a grapefruit for breakfast and runs every morning, but I also want to be happy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I finally became a butterfly, and everyone’s already asking what’s next.

Spotted on Twitch:

“OMG I love your personality,” thanks, it’s a disorder.

Making waves on Slack:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Going viral on Messenger:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

Freshly posted on Threads:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Going bananas on Threads:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Spotted on Instagram:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

147 Funny care quotes

More funny care quotes 👇

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

3 weeks ago

body, body care, care, eat, eat right, health, hot, humor, i, ID, imagination, imagine, right, self, self-care
Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

3 weeks ago

accessibility, care, free, free service, getting, health, humor, mental, mental health, psychology, self, self-care, service, should, therapy, trauma
Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

3 weeks ago

bed, bedtime, canceling, canceling date, cancelling, care, date, early, early night, humor, i, night, order, pizza, relaxation, self, self-care
I need a day off from myself.

3 weeks ago

break, care, day, day off, humor, i, myself, need, relaxation, self, self-care
I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

3 weeks ago

awkward, awkward silence, care, communication, conversation, humor, i, interaction, introvert, silence, small, small talk, social, social interaction, talk
Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

3 weeks ago

anything, apathy, attitude, care, decision, good, humor, i, indifference, just, news, sarcasm
Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

3 weeks ago

advice, care, day, day off, days, humor, job, jobs, self, self-care, take, work

For even more funny care quotes, hit next 👇

All funny care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

The only Spanish I know is buenas noches, which means bonus nachos – like finding forgotten tortilla chips in your cargo shorts.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

Just landed via Twitch:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Just landed via Messenger:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Shared recently on X:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Trending via Discord:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Activity Log ✨

147 Funny care quotes

More funny care quotes 👇

All funny care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨