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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I enjoy driving because it combines my desire to sit with my talent for being angry.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Trending via Snapchat:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Breaking via TikTok:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Breaking via Messenger:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Seen just now on WeChat:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Live now on Slack:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

1 month ago

communication, dating, drunk, drunk text, humor, i, loneliness, relationship, single, text
I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

1 month ago

activity, dating, feelings, fun, fun activity, humor, i, onesome, relationships
A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

1 month ago

babysitter, challenge, dating, Friday, Friday night, good, good man, hard, man, night, night out
At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

1 month ago

alien, dating, expectation, humor, i, irony, life, love, meet, point, relationship, sure, zombie
I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

1 month ago

date, dating, exclusivity, humor, joke, myself, relationship, self, self-love, working
If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

1 month ago

brave, dating, else, feelings, love, relationship, someone, someone else, tell, watch
Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

1 month ago

dating, every, girl, good, humor, interest, men, relationship, taken, taste
Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

1 month ago

adventure, app, apps, dating, dating app, deleting, donkey, dragon, fantasy, fashioned, humor, i, me, meet, old, old fashioned, rescue, romantic, romantic fantasy, someone, tower, want
Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

1 month ago

act, asking, being, better, dating, gender, gender role, humor, man, relationship, role, sarcasm, single
Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

1 month ago

activity, advice, basketball, dating, dating advice, easy, finger, fun, fun activity, getting, girlfriend, just, relationship, relationship tips, spin, tips

For even more funny dating quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on X this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

47 shares on YouTube this month:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

61 shares on Threads this month:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

36 shares on Discord this month:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

89 shares on YouTube this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

33 shares on Slack this month:

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Live now on Messenger:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Spotted on Slack:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Breaking via Telegram:

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Trending via X:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Just shared via Discord:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨