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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

That Coldplay CEO guy was held more accountable than the president.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Shared recently on Discord:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

Live now on Instagram:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Seen just now on Discord:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Going viral on Telegram:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

Trending via Reddit:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Just shared via Threads:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

18 Funny enemy quotes

Funny enemy quotes bring a hilarious twist to rivalry and drama 😆🔥 Whether you’re dealing with a frenemies situation or just love a good roast, these witty lines add humor to even the tensest moments 😂💥 Get ready to laugh, clap back, and maybe even make peace with a smile 😉💬 Because sometimes, the best way to handle enemies is with a clever joke and a wink! 😜👊

New funny enemy quotes 👇

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

0

6 days ago

enemy, frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, store
Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

0

2 months ago

communication, conflict, enemy, great, humor, internet, media, new, relationship, sarcasm, social, social media
I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

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2 months ago

breakup, enemy, gain, girlfriend, humor, i, lose, loss, relationship
Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

0

2 months ago

cure, depression, enemy, exercise, fitness, hotter, humor, motivation, self-improvement
Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, day, eggs, enemy, funny activity, gathering, houses, much, night, nostalgia, paper, throwing, toilet, toilet paper
Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today. I need the blood of my enemies.

0

2 months ago

blood, caffeine, coffee, cut, enemy, humor, i, need, sarcasm, today
When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

0

2 months ago

brain, devil, enemy, humor, irony, me, mental, mental struggle, reach, self sabotage, struggle
Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

0

2 months ago

answer, enemy, humor, life, never, outlive, resilience, struggle, suicide
Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

0

2 months ago

advice, closer, enemy, feel, humor, negativity, quit, relationship, shit, wonder
Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

0

2 months ago

enemy, faster, humor, me, observation, rivalry, same, sidewalk, sorry, speed, thinking, walking

For even more funny enemy quotes, hit next 👇

All funny enemy quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

72 shares on Slack this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

16 shares on Threads this month:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe the problem is that I’m cooler than any man I’ve ever met.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,660

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

When I say, “I have to be someplace,” what I mean is, “I want to go home.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

If painting yourself into a corner was considered art, I’d be Michelangelo.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Seen just now on X:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Just shared via YouTube:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Going viral on Reddit:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Just landed via Reddit:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

As an outsider, what’s your view on intelligence?

Spotted on Reddit:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Shared recently on Slack:

Bugs Bunny was my introduction to opera. Can’t say I’ve kept up with it much since.

Spotted on Slack:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

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