Commentary:
"Farewell, brave warrior. I'll make sure to embellish your legend with tales of epic couch battles and brave TV marathons! 🛋️📺😂 #ManColdHero"
115 Funny exaggeration quotes
My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.
Commentary:
"When your phone charger is practicing social distancing 😂📱🔌 #Stranded"
Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.
Commentary:
"Well, at least we're headed somewhere… even if it's just the scenic route to confusion! 🧭😂🔄"
If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.
Commentary:
"Looks like every rose ceremony comes with its own stethoscope! 🌹😉 #MedicalDeviceSalesGoals"
I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.
Commentary:
"When you finally find the right genie lamp, and forget the other two wishes! 🧞♂️⏰💊😂"
This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.
Commentary:
"Temple maintenance plan: Controlled demolition daily! 🙃💣 #LivingOnTheEdge"
Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.
Commentary:
"Guess your comforter never stood a chance! #CuddleKing/Queen 🛏️🐻💥"
If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.
Commentary:
"When I blow out birthday candles, I become a philosopher. 🎂💨🤔"
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Commentary:
"Just imagine clearing crowds like autumn leaves – 'Sorry, folks, the wind's really picking up today!' 🍃😄🍂"
I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.
…
Commentary:
"Finally, a summer fitness plan that matches my energy level! 🗣️😂🌞"