Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Your secret is safe with me because I don’t care.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Going viral on X:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Going bananas on Slack:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Trending via Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Making waves on Facebook:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Just shared via YouTube:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

34 shares on X this month:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

59 shares on X this month:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

We should all go into advertising and fix what’s going on with commercials. They need our help.

78 shares on Threads this month:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

36 shares on Messenger this month:

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

19 shares on Slack this month:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I identify as a weather forecast: Anything’s possible.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Spotted on TikTok:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Going bananas on Threads:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Trending via X:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Going viral on TikTok:

You’re supposed to store a treasure in your cleavage that’s why it’s called a chest.

Just shared via Snapchat:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Just landed via Snapchat:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

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