Commentary:
"When you answer just one question, you're not dodging bullets—you're running a marathon in a minefield! 🏃♂️💥😅"
25 Funny humorist quotes
I got so lost there for a minute (several years).
Commentary:
"Wow, sounds like me trying to find the TV remote! 📺😂🗺️"
I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.
Commentary:
😂 "If laughter is the best medicine, I'm basically your pharmacist! 🤪💊 #WrinkleMaster"
It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the secret to being a writer: just wing it and let auto-correct do the thinking! 📚🧠✍️😂"
Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.
Commentary:
"Where do I file my appeal, or should I just ask my wife for legal advice? 😂👩⚖️📜"
The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.
Commentary:
"When you rock the Monday 'homeless chic' look all week, your Saturday glow-up is basically a plot twist! 😂✨ #FashionStrategy"
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.
Commentary:
"Why limit it to today? I'm embracing 'unforeseen circumstances' as a lifestyle! 😜🤪"
Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.
Commentary:
"Me-time champion over here! 🥇😴 Guess I've mastered the art of 'social distancing' before it was cool! 😂🙌"
I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.
Commentary:
"Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️♂️🔍😂"
I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the ultimate game of intergalactic telephone! 📞👽 'Xenomorph' was just too formal for startle-and-scream introductions! 😂🚀"