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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Trending via YouTube:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Just shared via Threads:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Live now on YouTube:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You ever notice how fans of the worst music always focus on the meanings of the songs instead of the actual music?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Making waves on Twitch:

If you’re reading this, drink some water. You’re not a cactus.

83 Funny invention quotes

More funny invention quotes 👇

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

2 months ago

alone, commuting, great, humor, invention, me, public, public transportation, should, solitude, transportation, type, vehicle, where
Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

2 months ago

1816, back, baron, Baron von Heldebrandt, custard, drunk, egg, egg nog, Germany, guys, heldebrandt, humor, invention, nog, von
Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

2 months ago

character, Christmas, creativity, Grinch, holiday, humor, invention, needs, Santa, Wario
Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

2 months ago

back, benjamin, Benjamin Franklin, franklin, history, humor, inform, invention, stove, technology, time, time travel, travel, wifi
Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

2 months ago

app, bruise, came, health, humor, idea, invention, mystery, technology, where
Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

2 months ago

accidentally, best, bottle, humor, invention, meds, mix, packing, trail, trail mix, trip
The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

3 months ago

autocorrect, barn, bear, humor, invention, man, walks, wordplay
They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

3 months ago

anything, comedy, humor, invention, misunderstanding, overhear, plot, plot twist, relationship, rom-com, should, twist, where
They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

3 months ago

bag, convenience, else, humor, invention, items, scan, self-checkout, shopping, should, someone, where
Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

3 months ago

dislike, everything, food, humor, invention, meal, picked, plate, put, salad, separation, someone

For even more funny invention quotes, hit next 👇

All funny invention quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

31 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

84 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m ready to try another planet.

21 shares on X this month:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

87 shares on Threads this month:

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

81 shares on Slack this month:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

39 shares on Slack this month:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Love low-hanging fruit. Easiest kind to obtain, in my opinion.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Every day we get closer and closer to Idiocracy coming true.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Breaking via Facebook:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Just shared via Discord:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Breaking via WeChat:

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

Activity Log ✨

83 Funny invention quotes

More funny invention quotes 👇

All funny invention quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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