Commentary:
Trying to keep my grandma from discovering my "fictional" autobiography! 📚🕵️♀️👀
1681 Funny irony quotes
For my final act of love, I will never contact you again, but think of you always.
Commentary:
Is leaving their number on a missing persons report still too much? 📞🤔❤️
How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?
Commentary:
Looks like the government skipped its "Budgeting for Dummies" class! 📚🤦♂️💸
New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.
Commentary:
"NYC: Where you pay gourmet prices for scrambled eggs and a side of existential crisis 🍳💸🥶"
Working your entire life so you can ‘enjoy’ a couple of years when you’re close to death is the biggest scam of all time.
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Trading youth for a senior discount doesn't seem like a fair deal! 🤔👴💸
It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.
Commentary:
I guess "Call Me Maybe" was just a beta test for stakeholder meetings 🎶📞🙃
It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.
Commentary:
I guess the universal translator didn't get the memo to translate my cat's meows into English 😹🌐✨
I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.
Commentary:
Looks like dodging those pool floaties saved you for bigger adventures! 🌊😅🏊♂️
Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.
Commentary:
Life could be like a never-ending pizza party instead of a rollercoaster in a haunted house 🎢🍕👻
It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.
Commentary:
Sounds like a great way to dodge house chores the next day! 🍷🤢🛌