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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,701

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Seen just now on Messenger:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Going viral on Discord:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Making waves on Slack:

I’m feeling sexy today. You’ve been warned.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Got electrocuted while fixing the doorbell, and now I can hear my girlfriend’s thoughts. She’s thinking she should have called an electrician.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Spotted on Reddit:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The sexual tension between me and vanishing without context is insane.

111 Funny living quotes

More funny living quotes 👇

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

0

2 months ago

balance, choices, experience, humor, life, live, living, money, once, priorities, save, savings, spending
Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

0

2 months ago

call, humor, just, living, office, reality, simulation, technology, today, virtual, work
The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

0

2 months ago

cost, cost of living, economy, faster, financial, financial stress, grown, growth, housing, living, money, overtime, pay, rent, stress, thing, work
Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

0

2 months ago

Earth, everyone, humor, i, know, live, living, media, need, people, posting, privacy, social, social media, stop, where
Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bison, experiences, fullest, humor, life, living, selfy
Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

0

2 months ago

before, horrible, humor, i, live, living, mindset, sarcasm, should, someone, speak, think
There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

0

2 months ago

clutter, days, drive, drive by, everyday, everyday life, funny observation, having, house, humor, i, just, life, live, living, never, observation, sale, tell, yard, yard sale
Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

0

2 months ago

experience, festival, fortune, fun, homeless, humor, irony, live, living, pay, person
A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

0

2 months ago

good, house, humor, illusion, know, living, magic, magician, mystery, never, secret, surprise, unexpected
My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

0

2 months ago

adjustment, boyfriend, hotel, Hotel Mama, humor, living, living together, mama, me, moved, parent, relationship, responsibility, single, single parent, straight, together

For even more funny living quotes, hit next 👇

All funny living quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Discord this month:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

22 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

53 shares on Messenger this month:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

83 shares on X this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

83 shares on X this month:

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Just shared via YouTube:

Starting your most incoherent sentence with “put simply” to deflect blame onto the reader.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Shared recently on Threads:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Spotted on YouTube:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Activity Log ✨

111 Funny living quotes

More funny living quotes 👇

All funny living quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨