Commentary:
Trying to be a cartoon cake thief IRL? That's a recipe for disaster! 🎂🪚🤣
118 Funny lot quotes
That boring, introverted life you’re living has probably protected you from a lot of harm and bad experiences.
Commentary:
Living my best hacker-in-pajamas life, dodging drama like it's a sport! 🛋️🕶️✨
Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.
Commentary:
Clearly, neigh-sayers have no place in this conversation. 🐴🤔
Has anyone noticed what it’s beginning to look a lot like?
Commentary:
🎄🎅 Pretty sure my wallet is already crying, so it must be beginning to look a lot like Christmas! 😂💸
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.
Commentary:
Living the dream, one imaginary dollar at a time 💸😂✨
Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?
Commentary:
Fold laundry on the timeline? I thought Twitter was more like a public therapy session 🍿🧺 #LaundryDay #Confessions
If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.
Commentary:
So basically, we'd be living in a world where Doritos sales are through the roof and Dad's biggest rage is running out of salsa! 🌿😋🎉
Made a lot of mistakes in my life, but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for isn’t one of them.
Commentary:
When life gives you recipes, ignore them and add cheese 🧀🥳
I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're just one closet away from a chore-lympics event! 🧺👕😂
Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?
Commentary:
I think the endorphins are just bribing us to forget the pain! 🏃♂️🤣