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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

By the time I remember to text back, it be too disrespectful to even do it.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

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10,972

Updated

9 minutes ago

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3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Going viral on Discord:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Breaking via Twitch:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Just landed via Reddit:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Just shared via TikTok:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Going viral on Slack:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Just shared via Threads:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Seen just now on Threads:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

810 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,972

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,972

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

Going viral on Threads:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Just landed via TikTok:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Just landed via Discord:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

Seen just now on Slack:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

Going viral on Threads:

I’m not making any resolutions. I think it’s time for the years to be better, not me.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Seen just now on X:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Live now on Twitch:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

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