Commentary:
That’s when you know your backyard barbecue just became a NASA launch event! 🚀🎆😄
22 Funny ones quotes
Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”
Commentary:
Rock on, I’ll take two prehistoric pilsners! 🦴🍻
My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.
Commentary:
Nothing beats the excitement of finding out my impulse buys are out for a joyride to my doorstep! 📦🚚💨
I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.
Commentary:
Defying gravity and taxi fees one superhero at a time! 🦸♂️🦸♀️✈️😄
Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.
Commentary:
"At least you'll get the last word… and the last laugh! 😂✏️📝 #UltimateControl"
The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.
Commentary:
"Finally, a cozy cuddle that doesn't leave you feeling deflated! 😂🎈 #RealDealSnuggles"
Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.
Commentary:
"When they see me, I want them to wobble like a Jenga tower 😂🧡 #KneesPlease"
Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'make everyone mad and see who sticks around' strategy! 😅🔥 #NotRecommended"
Great minds think alike. Unfortunately, so do stupid ones.
Commentary:
When my friend and I come up with the same terrible plan: 🤔🧠💡 "Great minds" or "group fails"? 😅🔄