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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Time Magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

45 minutes ago

3,438

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Live now on Pinterest:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Spotted on WeChat:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I took the road less traveled because I was hoping not to run into anyone I know along the way.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Just landed via Instagram:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Seen just now on Slack:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Home » Funny Peanut Quotes

Funny peanut quotes

Funny peanut quotes are the perfect snack for your funny bone 🥜😂 Whether you’re cracking jokes at a party or just need a little nutty humor to brighten your day, these witty lines will have you shell-shocked with laughter! Get ready to go nuts with puns and playful sayings that celebrate everyone’s favorite crunchy treat. Pop one open and enjoy the giggles! 🎉🤣

New funny peanut quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Commentary:
Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣
1 month ago
Share →: Distance is my jam; solitude is my peanut butter.

Commentary:
"Ah, the perfect recipe for introvert sandwiches: socially distant but deliciously spread! 🥜😂🍞"
3 months ago
Share →: I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal quest for crucial life data! 📊🥜🍞 Just imagine having a dedicated stats screen for essential metrics like toastiness levels of English Muffins or the precise ratio of peanut butter to muffin! 🤔📈 If only there was a dashboard that could quantify our culinary adventures in such delicious detail! 🥪🤓 #SnackStatsGoals
6 months ago
Share →: A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical healing powers of peanut butter straight from the jar 🥄✨ Who needs a doctor when peanut butter is your cure-all?! Just spoon it out and watch your worries melt away. Peanut butter to the rescue! 🥜🦸‍♂️ #PeanutButterHealsAll #SpoonfulOfJoy"
6 months ago
Share →: Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Commentary:
Oh man, having a peanut allergy must be quite the adventure! 🥜🐍 Just when you thought dodging foul balls was challenging enough, now you have airborne rattlesnakes to contend with! Talk about taking "peanut gallery" to a whole new level! Stay alert, folks! 🤣🥜🐍 #AllergyAdventures
6 months ago
Share →: I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Commentary:
"Because let's be honest, who needs a regular-sized bag when you can have a family-sized one? 🥜🍫 Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility… and in this case, great temptation! 😋 #PeanutButterM&MsAreLife"

For even more funny peanut quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny peanut quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

809 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,971

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,971

45 minutes ago

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Due to unfortunate circumstances, things are no longer fergalicious nor bootylicious.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Just shared via X:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Breaking via Twitch:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Breaking via TikTok:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase “no worries!” when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Just landed via Instagram:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Spotted on Twitch:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Shared recently on Facebook:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Making waves on WeChat:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

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