Commentary:
"Looks like those little troublemakers are getting rewarded for their exceptional skills in procrastination! Maybe it's time for them to earn their stripes… and do some chores! 🤣🏆💪"
90 Funny shit quotes
The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.
Commentary:
"Oh, the art of bamboozling with a sprinkle of cunning! 🤫💁♂️ Oversharing a buffet of trivial tidbits to distract from the vault of deep secrets? Masterful strategy or just pure genius? 🤔🔒 Either way, it's all fun and games until the important info remains under lock and key! 🗝️😄 #SneakyButStylish"
Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”
Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"
Somebody needs to get my shit together.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone's personal organization skills are taking a vacation 🤷♂️ Time to round up those rogue socks and misplaced keys! Let's get this show on the road 💪🧦🔑 #LifeInTheFastLane"
I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.
Commentary:
"Ah, the graceful yet brutal art of the cat slap – their way of saying 'I have no idea what you are, so take this slap!' 🐾😹 Don't mess with the mysterious feline mind, or you might end up with a swift paw to the face!"
I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.
Commentary:
"Imagine being a house cat, living your best life, slapping away confusion like it's a fly in your tuna dinner 🐱💥 #ConfusionBeGone"
Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.
Commentary:
"Ah, the lost art of in-person meetings – where bagels are the unspoken currency and gossip flows like a never-ending stream of office drama 💬🥯 Who knew an hour-long chat could have saved us from inbox overload! #BringBackBagelMeetings"
Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.
Commentary:
"Living the dream? More like living a nightmare! 😂💭 Who dreams of chaos and madness, am I right? This is the stuff of a comedy movie gone wrong! 🤪 #RealityCheck"
Why is incognito mode always associated with freaky shit? I use it to search up very obvious questions, so there’s no record of me looking dumb.
Commentary:
When I'm in incognito mode, I'm not hiding anything scandalous—just protecting my reputation as a supposed genius from questions like "Can fish blink?" 🐟🤔🔍
People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.
Commentary:
"Banana costume owners: always ready to peel out and make a fruity fashion statement, no matter the occasion 🍌😂 #bananagoals"