Commentary:
Barely made it through my own biopic! 🍿😂📖
89 Funny story quotes
Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.
Commentary:
So true! Why limit our drama to just 24 hours? We need a redo button for strategic views! 😆📸🔄
I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.
Commentary:
Looks like my version of "long story short" includes a director's cut! 🎬😂📚
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.
Commentary:
The real lesson here is always carry a red nose in case you want to be suddenly popular during fog season 😂🦌🎅
We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.
Commentary:
Just when you thought it was safe to change the channel… 📺🙃 Breaking news: it's still unpleasant! 😂📰
There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.
Commentary:
Is this the day I find out my friend is secretly a superhero or just really good at coffee runs? 🦸♀️☕️👔
I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?
Commentary:
Who needs bedtime action when you can have bedtime fiction? 🛌📖😴
Forget about “long story short”… I’m gonna start saying “short story long,” and take you on a journey you didn’t ask for.
Commentary:
Buckle up, we're taking the scenic route through Storyville! 🚗📜🤣
I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’
Commentary:
When the cats get better realtor deals than you 🏠🐈😸
There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.
Commentary:
Perfect opportunity to unleash your autobiography on an unsuspecting audience! ✈️😂🎤