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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1870 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,032

Funny Quotes Topics

14,821

Funny Quotes Images

12,032

22 seconds ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Just landed via Threads:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Seen just now on X:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Reported on Facebook:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Just shared via TikTok:

At what age do people actually meet up to play bingo? I’m ready.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Home » Funny Vampire Quotes » Page 2

17 Funny vampire quotes

More funny vampire quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Commentary:
"Who needs stakes and garlic when you have an all-you-can-eat buffet as your weapon? 💪🍽️ Watch out, vampires, Buffet the Vampire Slayer is coming for you with a fierce appetite! 🧛‍♂️😋"
6 months ago
Share →: There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Commentary:
"Maybe it's the whole 'never invites you in for a cup of tea' vibe he's got going on 🧛‍♂️. I mean, it's hard to trust someone whose favorite color is blood red, am I right? 😅"
6 months ago
Share →: Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Commentary:
"Who knew being undead could come with a bad hair day every day? 😂🧛‍♂️ #VampireStruggles"
6 months ago
Share →: There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal debate between the vampire hunters and the vampire gatherers! 🦇 While the hunters are out there with their stakes and garlic, the gatherers are happily inviting blood-sucking creatures to tea parties. ☕️ Who knew the undead could be so picky about who they hang out with? 🧛‍♂️ #TeamGatherers #LifeOfTheParty"
6 months ago
Share →: Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Commentary:
"Maybe vampires started the whole 'vampires hate garlic' rumor just to get us humans to season ourselves better! 🧛‍♂️🧄 Next time you reach for that garlic, just remember you might be preparing yourself as a tasty snack for Dracula!"
6 months ago
Share →: How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Commentary:
"Imagine being a vampire, trying to enjoy a nice, refreshing summer drink, and all you can find is hot blood 🧛‍♂️🩸 I guess those nighttime thoughts are really sucking the life out of you! 😂 #VampireProblems"
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Commentary:
Oh, fangs for sharing your biting opinion! 🧛🏻‍♂️ Looks like you're not a fanpire of vampires… they can be quite draining, can't they? 💉🦇 But hey, at least they always leave their mark! 😆 #VampirePuns

For even more funny vampire quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny vampire quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1870 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,032

Funny Quotes Topics

14,821

Funny Quotes Images

12,032

22 seconds ago

3,451

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

Trending via Twitch:

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Reported on WhatsApp:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Spotted on Instagram:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

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