Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Shaved my entire body for this post, just in case.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,559

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone, like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something.

Trending via Telegram:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Seen just now on Slack:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Going viral on Slack:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m not saying I’m old, but when I was in school, we made our parents ashtrays for Christmas.

Just landed via Messenger:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Breaking: man who liked me first no longer likes me.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Touching privileges unlocked! 🎮❤️ Proceed with caution and hugs! 🤗✨

affection, dating, girlfriend, having, humor, insane, insanity, let, literally, relationship, touch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

0

1 month ago

analogy, carrying, daily, daily life, habit, humor, lantern, life, modern, modern habit, phone, room, technology, Victorian, Victorian woman, woman
I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

0

2 months ago

assume, bookmark, building, case, humor, humorist, i, me, media, people, posts, social, social media, suspicion
Occupation: the ugly friend!

0

2 months ago

friend, humor, occupation, relationship, self-deprecation, ugly
Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, couple, humor, marriage, married, means, relationships, rooms, shouting
Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

0

2 months ago

activity, coming, corner, escape, event, found, fun, fun activity, hide, hiding, humor, i, lights, noise, party, social, social event, us
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

0

2 months ago

1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Celery is depressing green water wafers.

40 shares on Slack this month:

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are 400 billion stars in our galaxy and perhaps two trillion galaxies in total, and I just wonder if Miss Universe fully understands her achievement.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was googling the best time to visit Italy. It is when you have money.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Going viral on Facebook:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

Occupation: the ugly friend!

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨